ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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