There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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