I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Floor bacon is actually really good
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
