one might say we're banned from that church
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
