my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
