Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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