Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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