I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
