i don't like sucking hair
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
