a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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