another moral hangover. fuck.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
