low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
