I smell stomach acid.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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