I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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