This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
