sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
