I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
