Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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