some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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