This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
