Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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