She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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