She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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