if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
