We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They took my balls.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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