I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
