we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just invented taco cereal.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize