she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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