you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
