So drunk its hurt
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
