i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
