we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
