it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
