lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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