this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize