Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
