You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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