I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
