There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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