We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
