Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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