***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Alive.
So much puke
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
