When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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