in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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