My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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