Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
