Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
