So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
