I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize