Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
