Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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