so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
