If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
