I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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