He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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