I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Can I color on your dick again?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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