Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
