Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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