guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize