it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
