My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
