remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
