to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
