So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
