Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
