Your dad touched me again.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
