So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
