I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
