Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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