The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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