Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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