White coat. Heels.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
