he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
