yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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