Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
