I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
