yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
