I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
