I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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