I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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