It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
