i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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